your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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