Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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