I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
