john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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