I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
