So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
