He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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