Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
