i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
