I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
