FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
