Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
