You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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