how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
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