Betty ford says i'm here all night
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
