So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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