I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
i've created a new STD.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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