mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
