they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
