i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
