i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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