I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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