my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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