We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
