somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
