I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
