ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
