We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
