May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
they need to just BURY HIM!
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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