I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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