Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
