i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
