Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
