i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
