woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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