Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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