I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
