I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
