ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
