Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
