I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
