his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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