the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
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