I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
