Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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