I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
ugly people sure do ruin things
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Randomize
