I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
did i walk over a car last night?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
