LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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