cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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