im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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