My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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