hotel room ftw
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
