I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
