Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
