sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
Randomize
