god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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