i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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